what would we be without wishful thinking

Last night I saw a hardcore band cover "My Sharona." Later, the main band set up a flora and fauna scene on the stage, complete with stuffed animals and proceeded to play with man dressed as an egg on stage. The band utilized music from Nintendo games in their music and the egg-man (coo coo ka choo!) played the triangle. It was quite possibly one of the strangest concerts I have ever been to.

And perhaps the reason for the equally strange dreams I had last night. I don’t remember much, but at one point Sylar (from "Heroes"*) was one of my new students. Which probably says something about how my subconscious feels about my students. I'm not too surprised, however. This week has been one of the most intense that I've had at this job. Nothing major has happened, just a lot of me feeling totally insufficient and incapable of being an authority figure. I hate that feeling. And this job seems to reinforce it at times in spades. I don't know. I can't expect the students to feel compassion for me, and how their actions and words affect me, but still, I want them to be aware. Its too much to ask though. If I can get them to take some responsibility for their actions, that's sometimes enough. This is by far the most challenging job that I've ever had. And that feels like the pithiest (is that even a word?) statement ever. Sad, but true.

Anyhow. Happy thoughts. For every time I feel totally unprepared, insufficient, etc., there's twice as many times when I'm speechless because one of my students has said or done something completely random and unexpected. Sometimes its asking me if I like porn or some other extremely inappropriate question. Other times its answering all my questions in a robot voice (for the entire day!) or randomly squawking in the middle of a lesson. I feel like I’ve reached a certain comfort level with them, where they’re comfortable around me. So that’s good.

Other good things? Its Thursday. Its a beautiful day. Good music is playing on my computer (Wilco, yay!). I am totally alone in the classroom (which means I can play said music loud). The weekend is almost here! And another show! (this time its Minus the Bear and Chin Up Chin Up- two very good bands)

Okay, the students will be here soon. Maybe I should get my act together, as who knows what will happen in class today…



*Oh, and Heroes? A truly excellent show. Definitely recommended.