giovedì, aprile 26, 2007

what would we be without wishful thinking

Last night I saw a hardcore band cover "My Sharona." Later, the main band set up a flora and fauna scene on the stage, complete with stuffed animals and proceeded to play with man dressed as an egg on stage. The band utilized music from Nintendo games in their music and the egg-man (coo coo ka choo!) played the triangle. It was quite possibly one of the strangest concerts I have ever been to.

And perhaps the reason for the equally strange dreams I had last night. I don’t remember much, but at one point Sylar (from "Heroes"*) was one of my new students. Which probably says something about how my subconscious feels about my students. I'm not too surprised, however. This week has been one of the most intense that I've had at this job. Nothing major has happened, just a lot of me feeling totally insufficient and incapable of being an authority figure. I hate that feeling. And this job seems to reinforce it at times in spades. I don't know. I can't expect the students to feel compassion for me, and how their actions and words affect me, but still, I want them to be aware. Its too much to ask though. If I can get them to take some responsibility for their actions, that's sometimes enough. This is by far the most challenging job that I've ever had. And that feels like the pithiest (is that even a word?) statement ever. Sad, but true.

Anyhow. Happy thoughts. For every time I feel totally unprepared, insufficient, etc., there's twice as many times when I'm speechless because one of my students has said or done something completely random and unexpected. Sometimes its asking me if I like porn or some other extremely inappropriate question. Other times its answering all my questions in a robot voice (for the entire day!) or randomly squawking in the middle of a lesson. I feel like I’ve reached a certain comfort level with them, where they’re comfortable around me. So that’s good.

Other good things? Its Thursday. Its a beautiful day. Good music is playing on my computer (Wilco, yay!). I am totally alone in the classroom (which means I can play said music loud). The weekend is almost here! And another show! (this time its Minus the Bear and Chin Up Chin Up- two very good bands)

Okay, the students will be here soon. Maybe I should get my act together, as who knows what will happen in class today…

*Oh, and Heroes? A truly excellent show. Definitely recommended.

venerdì, aprile 20, 2007

today was not meant to be

I woke up at 6:30, completely disoriented and confused about what day it was (this is the second day in a row that I've woken up and have had no idea when and where I was...). After a harried shower and dressing, I proceeded downstairs to gather foodstuffs for the day and make the all too essential coffee. And that's what I was thinking about- sweet sweet caffienne- when my ankle buckled and I fell down the stairs. Apparently I fell so hard that I woke my roommate up, who rushed out of her room, a concerned and worried expression etched upon her face. I assured her that I was fine and went about making the coffee.

And that's how my morning has been thus far.

At least its Friday (I think).


domenica, aprile 01, 2007

Here are some random Sunday sentences

Alliteration is such fun!

My spelling has become atrocious. I'm not even certain if that's the correct spelling. But I'm still going to use it. I am defiant this Sunday morning.

Here's my conundrum: My ipod died. It was swift, sudden, and took us all by surprise. I'm still reeling from the loss in my life. And yet, this is a familiar feeling, as this was my third ipod to die on me. (Seriously, wtf? what am I doing to these poor pieces of plastic and computer hardware to make them all die? Am I to be known as the scary ipod killer, she who brings ipod death to all around her?) Anyhow I am torn: I crave another ipod, and at the same time I'm repulsed by such a need. This must be how heroin addicts feel. I hate the thing I want. I hate the fact that I want it. And yet, I've been scoping online new ipods all morning.

Spring break will officially come to an end in less than 24 hours. This time tomorrow, I will again be with the children, telling them to stop doing lord knows what (but I'm sure it will probably be something bad and/or amusing). I am looking forward to going back, for all that its a draining, wrenching job, I do like it (should I be worried?)

I'm flying back to California on Thursday. Apparently, I like to go every few weeks now, which is awesome. Unless you're my bank account, who seems to disagree. Anyhow, I will once again be interviewing for yet another credential program (I make this seem so much more intense than it really is; this is actually my second interview of two... so really, I need to calm down). I am so ready for all this to be over! I want to be accepted. No more applications, interviews, tests, fingerprinting, driving, flying... on an on. I've gone to two well respected universities, applied to many more, applied for international study and an internship program, applied for numerous jobs... and yet all of those application processes together do not add up to pain and trauma of applying to these two credential programs. Soon, it'll be over, right?