mercoledì, luglio 27, 2005

the magical filing cabinet

So there's a secret filing cabinet in my office. It sits in the corner and is very hard to get into. But once you're in, its like magic! First of all this cabinet will grant you all of your hearts desires. Like the other day, I really wanted some Ritz crackers and a small lemur monkey. I went to the cabinet, and there was a small whitefaced simian, holding a box of crackers. I named the Lemur Sam, in honor of Sam Houston, Texas' famous statesman, and munched happily on the crackers.
How did I discover this cabinet, you might be wondering? Well, it was all a great accident. One day, I sitting at my desk, being unproductive as usual when I heard a small child's voice calling out "Eleanor! Eleanor!" Only knowing of one Eleanor in my life (Eleanor Roosevelt, the esteemed, yet sexually confusing wife of FDR), but also knowing that she was long dead, I thought very little of the strange sounds. Afterall, I hear much stranger things on a regular basis coming from my coworkers. The next day, again I heard the child's voice, this time calling out "Milicent!" And again, I ignored the voice. After a week or so of strange women's names being called out from the corner (seriously, I heard Joan, Roxanne, Stacey, and Earl?), finally I decided to investigate. As I approached the cabinet, the voice grew steadily louder and louder. The cabinet was vibrating in the corner, and an odd smell was emanating from it. Slowly, drawer by drawer, I opened the cabinet. The first two drawers yielded nothing but empty coke bottles and prison tags (obviously part of some failed pyramid scheme involving recycling and parolees)... but the bottom drawers, that's where the jackpot was! I opened them and was suddenly blinded by a bright green light. The next thing I knew, I was inside the cabinet, wandering through mazes of riches of every kind. Gold, silver, jewels, bunnies-they were all there. It was a magical Eden. Just then, a small fairy like creature appeared before me.
"Hello, my name is Rolanda (even though this was a magical land, it was still rooted in the Inland Empire, which as we know, is not known for its classiness), and I am the guardian of this land. You've been chosen to know about this magical land because of your pure heart and even purer nature... oh, and your super cute haircut! Whenever you are in need of a pick-me-up after a long day of data entry, you merely need to come to the cabinet and request your heart's desire. It shall be brought to you posthaste. You need only make a wish with your heart. Or you could write a check. We accept most major credit cards as well."
And that was all. I was back at my desk, as if it had never happened. Was it merely a dream? I wondered to myself. But just then a strange craving for an ice cream sandwich washed over me. I figured there was only one way to see if it really had been a dream. With slow steps I walked to the cabinet. "Ice cream sandwich" I thought over and over. I opened the bottom drawer, and there it was; the tastiest ice cream sandwich I had even seen! It was real!
And that's how I found out about the magical filing cabinet in my office. It's the best thing ever.

Nessun commento: