wow

Tomorrow is my last day of work at the school. Coincidentally, it's also my last day of working legally in Oregon. As of 2:45pm, I will no longer be gainfully employed by the Springfield School district... wow. It's really strange and surreal to think of this year as ending.

More on all of this later. (perhaps when I've actually processed it all?)

ranting... with pictures!

Eh, its Tueaday night. Tuesdays, are by far the least exciting day and night of the week. Especially when you've been studying US governement for the better part of the evening (and by better part of the evening, I mean during the commercial breaks... although, to be fair I did go to Starbucks* and studied for some time... until I could no longer stand the obnoxious smokers/really annoying loud girls) My desire to know about the Framers' intent when drafting the Articles of the Constitution can be summed up in one word. No. As in, no, I do not want to know this information. More importantly, no, I do not want be tested on this information. No, I do not want my future teaching career to depend on the tests that I am taking next weekend. And don't even get me started on my loathing of economics (which, by this point in time is legendary).

Anyway.

While my weekdays have left soemthing to be desired (see rant on Tuesday), my weekends have been pretty kick ass. Last weekend, I had many random adventures... including a trip to the coast- finally, I have seen and experiences the Oregon coast! And I can definitively and authoratativily say that it is truly beautiful!

The water wasn't as bad as I was expecting!

Jolene and I saw this Viking statue and had to stop to take pictures with him. Wouldn't you?

Aren't my mad sand castle building skills amazing?


I took this picture on the drive back.


Random adventures are by far the best. Jolene and I had a blast finding all sorts of trouble to get into. It really made me appreciate my time in Oregon. And this weekend is my 82nd time visiting California this year, so I know interesting and exciting times shall be had. And it will probably be random. And I'll take pictures.

Now, all I need to do is get through the next few days (and somehow make myself actually learn some econ.... ugh).



*It was the only coffee shop that I could find that had both free parking nearby and a patio so I could sit in the lovely sunshine. That's my reasoning. Go with it.

what would we be without wishful thinking

Last night I saw a hardcore band cover "My Sharona." Later, the main band set up a flora and fauna scene on the stage, complete with stuffed animals and proceeded to play with man dressed as an egg on stage. The band utilized music from Nintendo games in their music and the egg-man (coo coo ka choo!) played the triangle. It was quite possibly one of the strangest concerts I have ever been to.

And perhaps the reason for the equally strange dreams I had last night. I don’t remember much, but at one point Sylar (from "Heroes"*) was one of my new students. Which probably says something about how my subconscious feels about my students. I'm not too surprised, however. This week has been one of the most intense that I've had at this job. Nothing major has happened, just a lot of me feeling totally insufficient and incapable of being an authority figure. I hate that feeling. And this job seems to reinforce it at times in spades. I don't know. I can't expect the students to feel compassion for me, and how their actions and words affect me, but still, I want them to be aware. Its too much to ask though. If I can get them to take some responsibility for their actions, that's sometimes enough. This is by far the most challenging job that I've ever had. And that feels like the pithiest (is that even a word?) statement ever. Sad, but true.

Anyhow. Happy thoughts. For every time I feel totally unprepared, insufficient, etc., there's twice as many times when I'm speechless because one of my students has said or done something completely random and unexpected. Sometimes its asking me if I like porn or some other extremely inappropriate question. Other times its answering all my questions in a robot voice (for the entire day!) or randomly squawking in the middle of a lesson. I feel like I’ve reached a certain comfort level with them, where they’re comfortable around me. So that’s good.

Other good things? Its Thursday. Its a beautiful day. Good music is playing on my computer (Wilco, yay!). I am totally alone in the classroom (which means I can play said music loud). The weekend is almost here! And another show! (this time its Minus the Bear and Chin Up Chin Up- two very good bands)

Okay, the students will be here soon. Maybe I should get my act together, as who knows what will happen in class today…



*Oh, and Heroes? A truly excellent show. Definitely recommended.

today was not meant to be

I woke up at 6:30, completely disoriented and confused about what day it was (this is the second day in a row that I've woken up and have had no idea when and where I was...). After a harried shower and dressing, I proceeded downstairs to gather foodstuffs for the day and make the all too essential coffee. And that's what I was thinking about- sweet sweet caffienne- when my ankle buckled and I fell down the stairs. Apparently I fell so hard that I woke my roommate up, who rushed out of her room, a concerned and worried expression etched upon her face. I assured her that I was fine and went about making the coffee.

And that's how my morning has been thus far.

At least its Friday (I think).

*sigh*

Here are some random Sunday sentences

Alliteration is such fun!

My spelling has become atrocious. I'm not even certain if that's the correct spelling. But I'm still going to use it. I am defiant this Sunday morning.

Here's my conundrum: My ipod died. It was swift, sudden, and took us all by surprise. I'm still reeling from the loss in my life. And yet, this is a familiar feeling, as this was my third ipod to die on me. (Seriously, wtf? what am I doing to these poor pieces of plastic and computer hardware to make them all die? Am I to be known as the scary ipod killer, she who brings ipod death to all around her?) Anyhow I am torn: I crave another ipod, and at the same time I'm repulsed by such a need. This must be how heroin addicts feel. I hate the thing I want. I hate the fact that I want it. And yet, I've been scoping online new ipods all morning.

Spring break will officially come to an end in less than 24 hours. This time tomorrow, I will again be with the children, telling them to stop doing lord knows what (but I'm sure it will probably be something bad and/or amusing). I am looking forward to going back, for all that its a draining, wrenching job, I do like it (should I be worried?)

I'm flying back to California on Thursday. Apparently, I like to go every few weeks now, which is awesome. Unless you're my bank account, who seems to disagree. Anyhow, I will once again be interviewing for yet another credential program (I make this seem so much more intense than it really is; this is actually my second interview of two... so really, I need to calm down). I am so ready for all this to be over! I want to be accepted. No more applications, interviews, tests, fingerprinting, driving, flying... on an on. I've gone to two well respected universities, applied to many more, applied for international study and an internship program, applied for numerous jobs... and yet all of those application processes together do not add up to pain and trauma of applying to these two credential programs. Soon, it'll be over, right?

and i thought i had a lot of quirky ideas

Its official. German people have way too much time on their hands. Way, way too much time.

I'm not sure how I feel about working in the office in the morning...

So the UPS guy just came into the office and told me he required an adult signature for the package he was dropping off. As in "Are you an adult, miss?"

Thanks for that sir. Nothing makes me feel great like mistaking me for a minor.



In other exciting work news, I changed my background to this picture. It makes me happy. Unlike the UPS guy. Oh, and people who are weird on the phone and/or come into the office in a scary group and make demands of me that I can't fulfil. And then get mad when I tell them that whatever they want can't happen. And then be generally creep and odd.


Anyhow, think good thoughts that the rain holds off so I can go hiking this afternoon.

That is all. (yay for Mondays)

verbal diarhhea of the worst sort.

I should be in bed. Sleeping. Instead, I'm at my desk, with too many thoughts running around in my head. Way too many thoughts.

Tonight I hung out with some of my married friends (I'm getting to the age where this is a more frequent occurrence-I find this equally awesome and unsettling.. well, maybe a bit more of the latter). It was weird, all of a sudden, I felt engulfed inloneliness. And I'm not a person to dwell on such things, nor am I one to really
commit it to writing, but here I am. With nothing but pithy thoughts to not even commit to paper, but rather a sillyInternet blog. Writing, rather ineloquently I might add. I feel like my timing is off. I keep missing the good get togethers, the days and nights when everyone is together and I'm somewhere else. Yet, when I'm here, everyone else is somewhere else. I hate that feeling. Is this normal? I'm 25 years old, I shouldn't feel this way anymore. Maybe this is what working with teenagers has done to me. I'm reverting back to my awkward adolescent self (oh dear), complete with
silly insecurities. I'd like to think my fashion sense and general outlook on life has gotten better though. But still. I find myself unsettled. perhaps its because I'm not settled in my life. And yet, I don't want to be. And I do. And that, my friends is what it all comes down to.

This really wasn't my intention. I was going to write about my annoyance with itunes
and computers in general. I was going to make myself laugh with some silly turn of phrase. I was going to acknowledge my lack of decision making with an ironic note that tomorrow I will be a guinea pig in a decision making experiment (ah, the things we do for money). Oh, the things I was going to do..

a banana? really?

This morning I found a banana peel in my desk.

I'm really not certain what to make of this.

Anyhow, I'm enjoying a few minutes of quiet solitude in the classroom before the kids start baning to be let in. Its the only time of day that I can listen to my music and actually enjoy it. Also, I can sit at my desk and not ask someone to stop punching someone else (in fun, so its okay, right? um, no.), or to stop climbing on the desk, or to stop running, yelling, swearing etc etc etc. Basically, I like this time of day. It alsmost makes getting up absurdly early worth it.

I'm pretty excited to drive to California tomorrow. Somewhat unexpected as I planning on flying in for a quick visit mainly to take the CSET on Saturday and then fly back out Sunday morning. Now I'm driving down tomorrow afternoon so I can have an interview at Sac State on Friday afternoon. Think good thoughts! (all three of you who might read this, heh)

Okay, time to let the demon children in...

I am blogging. Defiantly.

There are two other people in the office with me right now. It's almost like there's been some sort of nuclear holocaust which has only affected our office, and we three are the survivors. Except, in reality, everyone is at a training in another town, and there was only a handful of us who didn't go. It's extremely surreal, however. And it makes my already dwindling work ethic diminish with increasing frequency.

Okay, so I'm not sure what happened, but suddenly work was over, and now I'm back at home with a foot that is currently smelling like an old man.

Perhaps I should clarify? (yes?)

My foot has been hurting something fierce for the past few days, so tonight I thought I would soak it in some Epsom salt and then slather (oh, what a fun fun word) on some Icy Hot. The result? My foot still aches, and now smells like an octogenarian.

In other (exciting) news I'm in the process of acquiring a new cell phone. This search has caused me no small amount of excitement and anxiety. Excitement because I'm always excited when I get to play with something new and shiny. Anxiety because I have way too many choices, and am therefore freaking out. This seems like a truly and purely American problem: too many choices leads to freak out. What other country has so much that it becomes a problem?

Anyhow. Today in class one of my students told me they were all going to go to Canada (spelled like "Candana" natch) but I wasn't allowed to come. Which, if you think about it, is still nicer than wishing for my imminent death.

So I like to take that as a sign that things are improving. Right?

just a thought

Bathroom writers of Eugene (the likelihood of any of these people actually reading this blog is tiny... oh so tiny, but still. One never knows, eh?),

the proper spelling of "every" actually contains a "r"

Just thought you would like to know.

bitch bitch bitch! (thats what I do)

My application to San Fransisco State in due in 9 days. It's in complete shambles. My personal statement isn't done, I have no letters of rec (admittedly, they are en route to me, I mean I have people writing them, I'm just waiting for them to magically appear), I haven't actually filled out the application. I haven't taken the requisite tests. I'm not even sure if I meet all the qualifications. And its almost too late to do anything drastic.

In short, I am freaking out. Big time.

But am I doing anything about this? Of course not. I'm writing a silly, trite blog about all the things I should be doing.

I hate myself for doing this. And I do this for everything. I am absolutely incapable of not procrastinating. Ugh. Ugh, I say!

Today in school a student told me that no one would want to see naked pictures of me. (I'm kind of okay with this however.) He used the same tone of voice that he used earlier in the day when he told me I had fish breath and that he wished I would be run over by a car. One of the kids who has given me nothing but trouble (ie yesterday he inadverdently hit me with a peach) was actually really good today. When I left, he told me to drive sober.

I know I'm not doing these kids justice when I write about them like this; they're so much more multifaceted than I probably give them credit for. In all honestly, so much happens in the four hours that I'm there, that oftentimes I'm on sensory overload. I always feel like I'm making them out to be one-dimensional, and they're not. They're not just bad kids. They're at this really weird stage in life, where they're grown up, but not. One day, a few of them were talking (instead of doing they're their science work, of course) and one said something about marijuana... and then in the next heartbeat immediately went toSponge Bob Squarepants. I think only this kids would seamlessly transition from something so adult (and illegal) to something so childish, and not see any continuity problems. Middle school is a tough enough age (Oh, how I remember those horrible years), and for these kids its so much weirder. Most of the time, I'm just struggling to find the right words to say to them. Its hard.

Oh, and half the letters on my laptop are not working. So that's fun.

oh, the youth of today...

Today at lunch, I had a quarter thrown at my head.

It was at this point that I lost any cool points which I had racked up during the
morning and yelled at all the kids to take a seat. I mean, really yelled. So loud, it actually got most of the kids to take a seat. One girl told me, "Oh, I know youdidn't just tell me what to do. No one does that." So I apologized, and asked her nicely. Later, I was apparently forgiven for my gross error as the afternoon passed in relative stability. The only really notable moment was when student in the middle of a math lesson burst out with "you know what my favorite word is?Guacamole. I hate it as a food though" and then went back to work.

I also picked up a nickel that was flying around the classroom during lunch. I pocketed it.

That don't know nothing about my soul oh they don't know

So apparently, all I need to post consistently is more hours at my boring desk job. The kids were off today and yesterday, so I came into my other job early, which has subsequently led to more random blogging drivel from yours truly.

I don't know what it is about Wilco's "Theologians." I love this song: it never ceases to make me happy. If you've never listened to it (or any Wilco, for that matter), I strongly recommend it. However, I find myself thoroughly annoyed at the musical presence of Daughtry. Granted, I haven't actually listened to any of his songs, but I find the fact that he goes by his last name utterly lame. Who does that? And for he record, I have nothing against singular named artists, I freely admit my love of Madonna and bands like Owen. But Daughtry? Come on.

Yesterday, I had a meeting with the teachers at my school. We discussed new schedules, and some new incentive programs to try to get the kids more motivated about their schooling. I think I'm going to try to bring some snacks for them to give out for good behavior (weirdest thing- I brought snow peas and some fruit leathers last week, and the kids went crazy for them). It was a really good meeting, nice to feel like we're all on the same page. And, and, they're giving me more hours! The teachers totally advocated for us to work more, as its better for us (hello more money) and way better for the kids- more structure and consistency in their day. I'm pretty excited about the whole deal. Of course, I'm in the midst of my four day vacation from them, so we'll see if this cheery optimism lasts. The only downside is that I'll have to quit my morning pilates class, but I imagine an extra two hours or so of chasing children down the hallways everyday should at least make up for it in come capacity.

walking out of stride

You can't really tell, but I swear that says "2007"

Now that its almost February, I thought this would be an ideal time to reflect on the New Year. So far, its been a good, interesting time. I've been trying to put myself out there more, and really take advantage of the fact that I live in a cool city with interesting people.

Its not much, but its a goal.

Another goal is to actually be on time to work. Its weird, because I absolutely abhor lateness... and yet I'm constantly finding myself struggling to get to work on time. What is the deal? So to that end, perhaps I should stop this blathering and actually get to it, eh?

This is not interesting.

For the second time today, I've had a thought, been distracted, and have completely lost said thought. It's utterly and absolutely gone. Lost to somewhere in the ether of my mind. Never to be heard from again. *sigh*

I really feel like I went through a war today. Not in the sense that my day was extremely violent, more just draining. I think every emotion that one can think of was experienced by either me, another teacher or half of my students. It was utter madness. And yet, I will return tomorrow. And possibly the day after that (although to be fair, that won't actually happen, as it will be Saturday... but you get the point).

Perhaps my inability to hold a thought is somewhat related to the insanity that is working with middle schoolers?

Addendum: Why is is that I can't remember the things I want, and yet the things I don't want to or need to remember never seem to leave my mind?
See: infortmation about exes, academy award winners of the eighties and other assorted random facts.

time for a crossword puzzle (compliments of my new york times page a day calendar!) hey, never once did I say I was actually cool.

Baskin Robbins in Springfield- you're officially dead to me.

You know why.



Completely unrelated, but am I horrible person because it irks me soooo much that my roommates eat my food? Grrr....

maybe all i need is a shot in the arm

Today, as I was reaching new heights of being a bad employee, I stumbled onto an internet discussion about "ghetto lattes." Apparently, the ethics of ordering an iced americano and then adding some amount of half and half to make it latte-like has various members of the legal community up in arms. No, seriously. There are blogs and discussion forums devoted to this topic. Wikipedia has a "ghetto latte" entry. What I want to know is how exactly did this come about? Was it one person, who told his friends, and word just spread? Did multiple people come up with the idea until it became a national phenomenon*? And furthermore (and perhaps most baffling), was the University of Chicago Law professor serious when he said he didn't drink coffee and only ordered hot chocolate. Of all the various issues that a ghetto latte has raised, I find the professor who eschews caffeine by far the most baffling.

Tonight,
I was craving brownies, so I headed to my local Safeway. As I waited in
the check out line, a foreign man came up to the checker and asked
where the brandy was. The check out guy answered that Safeway doesn't sell
liquor, and that the man would have to go to a liquor store (seriously,
Oregon- and for that matter, most other states in the nation- what is
that all about?). As he began to explain where the nearest liquor store
was, theforeign man interrupted and asked if there was a liquor store
on I-5, as he was travelling north, and didn't want to stray too far
from the freeway. Is it just me, or is there something off in this
story? Generally when I'm driving long distances, I don't find myself
needing to stop in the middle for booze. But hey, maybe that's just me.

Recently,
I stumbled onto this website. This woman takes romance novel covers and changes
the titles for instant hilarity.
For example:



It's wrong, but it makes me giggle:



Okay, so that's enough randomness for one night.

Or is it???

* apparently, for me a national phenomenon constitutes internet discussions on multiple websites

sartorial sunday

My friend Kris showed me this shirt, and I basically thought it was the coolest design ever. Its called "The Communist Party" and was found at threadless.com

And now its sold out. *sigh* My hipster visions have now died a quiet death.






As I was nursing my sadness, I stumbled onto this shirt and found quite possibly the best bit of advertising that I've seen as of late. The dude who made it also made a short video where the cardboard robot jumps out and chases the dude in the shirt. And yes, the special effects are awesome!








Completely unrelated, but I'm loving on tv on the radio's "return to cookie mountain"

its definitely recommended listening.

To Live and Die in Eugene

Dear Eugene,

So I've lived in your fair city for over two months now* and I have some issues I'd like to voice... er, write.

1. Radio stations.
Now, I appreciate the availability of KWVA- the local college station- anytime I feel like listening to random undiscovered music and other assorted randomness, you are most often there for me. And NPR, how can one live without NPR? The country stations are decent, as is the oldies/classic rock. But your rock stations suck. Could we possibly listen to something other than Mudvayne? Maybe some Radiohead, some Wilco, some Sufjan Stevens, some anything? Portland has 94.7, it broadcasts all the way past Salem, why can't they just go a bit further? Or perhaps you, Eugene, could take the iniative and start playing decent music.

That would be great, thanks.

2. Drivers
Now okay, I admit, I'm from California, and am therefore biased to a let's say, speedier point of view. And, honestly, I'm fine with the drivers who prefer to take things slow. (Even if driving 5+ miles under the speed limit does seem a little obscene) But if you're going to be slow and annoying, could perhaps try not to kill me?! I don't think this is asking too much. Maybe everyone could stay in their lanes, look before they merge, oh and even, I don't know, use their blinkers?!

Seriously.

3. The rain/weather
Ohmygod. Anytime you want to stop, that would be wonderful. Oh, and then when its blessedly not pouring down apocolyptically on my head, maybe it could be... warm? And by warm, I mean perhaps more than 35 degrees? Also (and this just might be me), but my hair has been super staticky... so if you could do something about that too, it would be great, thanks.

Brr....

4. Darimarts.

Is there something about Darimarts that just screams "meth heads! homeless men wearing quilts! grandmothers who buy steel reserve with their young impressionable grandchildren in tow! come one, come all!" I only wish I made this up, and hadn't, on several different occasions seen all of the aforementioned people at one Darimart or another.

On second though, maybe I'll just stop going to the Darimarts...

Okay, so that's all can I think of for now. But Eugene, you should now know that you're On Notice for these infractions. I expect to see some changes soon.


your pal, Alexandra


*so to be fair, technically I live in Springfield, which is basically Eugene, just with more meth heads.